Rejecting the Fairytale: Reclaiming Motherhood on Your Own Terms with Cheri Bergeron

What if the life you were told to wait for… was never meant to define you?

In this powerful and deeply empowering episode, Jennifer welcomes author, speaker, and nonprofit founder Cheri Bergeron, who shares her courageous journey of rejecting societal expectations and choosing motherhood on her own terms.

After navigating a decade-long fertility journey, IVF, donor conception, and a landmark custody case that challenged outdated family laws, Cheri now helps women reclaim their power, rewrite their narrative, and explore alternative paths to motherhood with clarity and confidence.

This conversation is raw, honest, and filled with insight for women who feel the pressure of timelines, expectations, or limiting beliefs around relationships and family.

If you’ve ever questioned the traditional path… this episode is for you.

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Transcript

1:17

Welcome to Empowered Within a Soul Clenching transformational podcast that will set your soul on fire through candid and inspiring conversations. Leading experts, celebrities, healers, and I share our journeys of how we've overcome challenges to living an empowered life from within. I'm your host, Jennifer Pilates. Welcome to another episode of Empowered Within.

Audio Only - All Participants-1 1:44

Well, hello there and a welcome to a new episode I am honored to have with us today's guest, Cherri Bergeron. After 30 years as a marketing executive in the software industry, she now helps women break free from outdated rules and limiting beliefs around motherhood. Cherri is an author, blogger, public speaker, trained life coach, and most importantly, founder of the nonprofit Sheri's Choice, where she guides women through alternative paths to motherhood fueled by her own experiences. Cherri now empowers women to become mothers on their own terms. Rather than surrendering to outdated societal rules, she helps other moms write their own stories with or without Prince Charming. Her mantra, and I kind of love it, is if the glass slipper doesn't fit. Screw the fairytale. Welcome to the show. Thank you. I'm glad you like that too, because it just kind of puts things into a really,, succinct package. Like why do we have to live by other people's rules for us? Right. Who said that? Like, let's, can we please break out of that? I love that. And you have done it so well, and I'm sure it wasn't seamless. Where did your fertility journey begin that led you to where you are today? Because you're a bestselling author, you're a nonprofit, you're a speaker, you're all the things helping women. So how did it all start for you? Well, it started with a lot of ignorance. Unfortunately, I was kind of clueless about my fertility journey. I bought the fairy tale. I bought two actually. One was I could be anything I wanted to be as a feminist, and so I charged into my career and was really interested in financial independence and career direction and things like that, and I just believed that marriage and children would just. Happen organically. And really as we become very accomplished career women, that becomes even more challenging because there's this conflict and I think men have a conflict too. Does this woman need me? Is she gonna step back and whatever? And so those kinds of things delayed my. Journey and delayed. I had some false starts of relationships. I don't know if any of your listeners will have ever had that. You know, I had mar a marriage that didn't work out, and then you're starting over and things like that. And so really my fertility was an afterthought, and that's when the big issues began. So when you say it was an afterthought, do you mean you're thinking like, well, I'm gonna do the work, I'm gonna do the job, and when I get married, like I'm just gonna have a baby when I'm ready. Absolutely. Absolutely. I thought, yeah, doesn't matter anything, it's just gonna happen. It wasn't gonna require effort. I was prepared as I got older that I might need some help from medical science and I thought, wow, you see in the magazine, celebrities having babies in their forties, even in their fifties, and I had this idea that modern medicine would have my back. I ignored some very important realities of biology and sort of getting back to Mother Nature. Mother Nature doesn't follow all of this medical science stuff. There's, there is a timeline for a woman's reproductive, probabilities. And I really wasn't prepared for that at all. So when I was in the fertility doctor's office at the age of 40, I got hit with some very hard truths about. Were my eggs gonna be viable and would I be able to have a child naturally? And so that's really what's fueling a lot of my passion to come out and talk to women earlier before they become victims of their biological clocks. Fascinating. So when you started this process, were you married then, or were you single at that time? I was married at that time. I had kind of force fit the fairytale in my thirties, around 36. I thought, well, I need to get going on this if I'm really serious about motherhood. So I picked. Prince convenient. Honestly, not as much Prince charming, but somebody who looked pretty good on paper and seemed to check the right boxes, but the fundamentals and love of and compatibility were really weren't that strong. And so in my 37 no babies, 38, no babies, 39, no babies. Then you find yourself at the fertility clinic at 40 and understand what the true picture is. So that's, really challenging. Yeah. So when did you decide, because you did it by choice to become a single mother? Well, that relationship was really problematic and what I started to learn through this journey, infertility journeys are difficult for many couples, but if it's not grounded in love and compatibility, then it's often fatal. So we weren't doing well to begin with, but I had, I was like, look. This was the progression, the linear progression I had to have to be qualified to become a mother. So you're coming along for the ride, buddy. You know, and, and then it was like he started to make some decisions that showed me that we weren't aligned in terms of parenthood. And one of the things that happened to us is we did have child loss. And that is the hardest thing, I think, for couples to deal with. And I think men and women handle it very differently. I felt very abandoned. In that process. And so it was really as I was starting another IVF cycle after loss, that I knew that I was gonna have to do it on my own. Wow. Yeah. And so did you go from loss? Did you, so was it your second IVF then that you chose? At that point you were like, this is gonna just be me. Well, there were multiple IVF cycles. I mean, often it takes. Three or more IVF cycles for people to get pregnant. So I, I can't say that it was my, my second or anything like that. It was multiple attempts. But after that loss, I was determined that I wanted to have a child and I was gonna push forward and kind of push through the grief, which I wouldn't always recommend, but I was gonna push through the grief. And he said, I don't know that we are strong enough. To move forward. And I think he was right. And I said, sure. Yeah, I think you're right. And I don't care because I really feel strongly that it's my calling to be a mother. And that's really when we diverged. Wow. That is just so's lot. It is a lot. That's a lot. So in the middle of divorcing, you are still go, you're choosing to say, no, I'm gonna still continue through IVF at this point. So you're all, you're living dual lives at this point. We were separated before I actually knew that I was pregnant, and there were some misrepresentations on his part, uh, in terms of, he said he didn't wanna have any part of children if we weren't together. And so I used our shared embryos with that belief. That didn't end up being the case ultimately. And so we didn't get divorced for many, many years after that. We just, I kind of broke free, focused on what I wanted to, and, moved forward on my path to motherhood, but it ended up being quite sticky and I don't know. And that's a probably a whole nother podcast. It is. Because we know how, well, I know how in depth that it was for you. But to touch on it though, because I do feel that it's important, and it was very eye-opening for me because I was like, oh my, I had no idea. The two of you had children together, you had embryos together that made, was it one or two? So one that we, well, two that we've lost, but let's just say I was carrying twins when we were separated and one of them became my daughter Lauren, and the other one we lost at 19 days. So, you know, we, yes. So we co-parent that, that daughter. Whose artwork you see? Oh my gosh. I love it. Now your story continues though, because it just didn't end there. You continued on a journey to become a single mom. Right. Well, I was a single mother at that point. I wasn't, you know, he had expressed he didn't want to be involved. And so it was only after I was pregnant and things that he changed his mind about all of that. So I had to adapt to that changing course, but I still was going to be living as a single mother on my own terms. And what advice would you give to women who. Either are going through something very similar or ha who have been through it as far as the legal, the legalities, because your legalities were pretty intense with things that went on with your marriage and your children and so on and so forth. What piece of advice would you give to prepare women? Because, you know, you do think it's so easy. You're like, I'm just gonna go get IVF, I'm just gonna freeze my eggs. I'm just gonna go over to that sperm bank. It, it isn't. That easy, like it really isn't. Yeah, I mean, my whole book is sort of a cautionary tale of like, don't do these things or consider doing these other things. I think, one, the first thing is. Allow love to find you in its own time. I think one of the biggest mistakes that women make is rushing a relationship because of our biological clock. So I would really recommend proactive planning there, egg freezing, or I didn't even use my own eggs. I used an egg donor ultimately, which was amazing because I learned that if I used the eggs of a 27-year-old, my odds of a healthy pregnancy were the same as hers. I had not, no idea that was true. I had my children, yeah, Japer. I had my children at 40, sorry, 44 and almost 47. And your eggs were as healthy as a 27-year-old eggs? No, her. If I used her eggs, then my pregnancy, then my, the odds of having me having a healthy child, even though I was in my forties, was the same as hers. So, you know, the fact is that we do have this biological clock, but if you miss that window, there are other avenues. I was able to carry this baby. I was able to select a donor. I was able to be there. For the entire experience and be this child's mother wonderfully. And so, you know, I think women, we get tied into these fairytales that limit us. I have to have this great marriage to then be entitled to motherhood. I have to provide the eggs in order to be entitled to become a mother. I have to, you know, I have to work. I have to be the perfect mother. I have to do it all. And I think. We need to cut ourselves some slack on these things and maybe consider some alternative approaches. Absolutely. So now I'm thinking I'm, I misread something. So for your experience, you used a donor's eggs. Yes. And the sperm them came from your. Ex-husband or did we get that right? So I created shared em. We created shared embryos together. Yeah. But I think what you're talking about is some of the legal entanglement. Yes. I started over. So what happened was, the reason we lost my son was due to an undiagnosed genetic condition on his side. On my ex's side. So I ended up having to start all over. So see, this is what happens when people try to force fit something. And there's a lot that I have to say about in, in my book about make sure that you get the man tested before IVF and things like that, because I think there were some misjudgments on the fertility clinics part. But yeah. So in reality I used two different egg donors. Okay. It came, very long, long and convoluted process. Women, ladies, you can do much better than this, please. You know? Right. This is why get someone to guide you and make some better decisions. A hundred percent. And they can do that through your book called Mission. For sure. We're gonna dive, we're gonna dive into that in Yeah. In a moment. But I definitely believe when it comes to divine timing and. Energetics and the universe being involved, you can be dating the wrong person and be getting UTIs like crazy, like your body will reject people and I do believe that I'm, until you're with the right person, it's just, it may not happen because your body in and of itself knows like not, no. You're not swimming up my lake. I swear the body is well aware of this. Oh, I agree with that. And because he had this undiagnosed genetic condition, we may have been experiencing those issues and my body was like naturally. You know, getting rid of that, not making that a solid pregnancy, and it was only through medical intervention that we actually learned this truth. Now I have my daughter because of it, and I'm so grateful. But I think another thing about it is Mo, the path of motherhood is such a sacred journey to me that I think it's really important to be in tune with whatever. Belief system that you have in terms of, you know, mother Earth, God, whatever that is, and that you will be guided to the children that you are meant to have, and I really do believe that. In whichever way they're coming in. Yeah. Right. Absolutely. Absolutely. Whether it's foster parenting, whether it's adoption, whether it's ultimately mentoring someone, whatever that path is, again, when we hold ourselves to a rigid path, I think we rob ourselves of the true blessings that are out there for us. Right. No, I agree with you. And the other day I read something and it just, I just sat there and bawled my eyes out and they said, God, it makes me cry right now that. Sometimes if the situation isn't right, your children will come through as your animals who have sought you out because there wasn't a soul, there wasn't the body ready. So they came in any way they could 'cause they wanted to be near you. Oh. I so get, because my fur, they are my children. They're my babies. Yeah. Like we don't call them kitties. They're not cats. They're the babies. And it just so made sense to me because they're so brother Sis, and I'm like, oh. It was just such a shift of mindset to, again, it, there's so many ways that motherhood can come about. I would not have had that perspective if I didn't have that in that moment. But I agree with you on the forcing it. I remember forcing it. I remember, oh my gosh, so many different ways, trying to force it with a man, trying to force it. Was I going to adopt? And I think that's when you have to really go inward and ask, why am I forcing this and what is it at the root of why I am. Forcing this and everyone's gonna come up with whatever is there for them to find. Yeah. I think you can create a great path of destruction from doing that. And honestly, even beyond children, I think family is another area where that happens. Sometimes. Our biological families are not the people who are gonna love us and support us. And I think being open to those people who come into our lives that are. Really there to encourage and accept us. I had to build a family. My family didn't, some of my family didn't approve of the IVF journey due to religious beliefs and things like that, and I found that my village came together of beautiful people who love me for who I am and who supported me. So I think we have to be open there too. Absolutely because you know, again, you have faced everything from IVF to child loss, to the legalities that we've mentioned in those heavier, darker moments. What inner practices, beliefs, and supports really helped you to keep going to remember that, no, this is my path and this is what's in my heart. Because I'm sure there are plenty of moments where you could have just went, forget it. No, I think I have one of those really stubborn personalities. Honestly, I had a very deep conviction for one, and I just kept seeing this little girl. I kept seeing this curly haired light brown haired girl, and it was so, I think it was just in my mind's, and now I'm gonna tear up. It was so firm in my mind that I could see that, but really my wrestle was a spiritual one because I felt so much shame that, you know, did the universe not want me to have a child? Did the universe not feel I was deserving to have a child? I had arguments with God and I think, you know, getting more centered and feeling my worth. I did seek the help of some counselors, some therapists, to help me too, to get through some of the pain and realize ultimately that I wasn't the one that was broken. It was, for me, this fairytale story was what was broken and I needed to pursue a different path in order to have my happiness. And so I think releasing that was one of the big things for me. That's a huge thing. So now let's get to your book. Mission. Motherhood is all about writing a new kind of fairytale. So what does rewriting the story of Happily Ever After, what does that mean to you? And through that, what freedom do you hope to bring that other women can find when they release whatever scripts, whatever programs they've been told about motherhood and family and how it comes and how it should be. Yeah, when we're caught into one restrictive path, let's just put it this way. Fairytales aren't one size fits all. We're all different. We have different journeys, we have different priorities. I think understanding what your priorities are, what are your non-negotiables, and then being open to what your unique fairytale is going to be. I think it's super important. To say, if I wanna do this with a partner, it's gotta be the right partner. Because if you don't do that, not only does it damage you, but it damages those future children. Think about how much divorce we have and how painful those things are. And so I really feel that a lot of women think that if they can't make this very specific fairytale fit that it's failure. And what I wanna tell them is it's freedom. It is freedom for you because you're able to navigate your path to motherhood in a way that feels right to you and ultimately get the children that you were meant to have. And so I think that relieves a lot of stress and pressure because as good as I was at my career, I felt powerless when it came to a family. And I want women to be able to reclaim their power and understand that there are many path. Motherhood and you just have to figure out which one is right for you. So let's try to navigate that. I think that's beautiful. 'cause there are some, we didn't even mention surrogacy. There are, there's a ton of opportunities out there. And Lord knows in this world, there are plenty of children who would love to have a mom today who don't have a mom today. Yes, you need a good, loving, stable mother. You know, adoption is a wonderful path. Foster parenting, it didn't work out for me, but I actually inspired some people who, they did create wonderful families that way. And so there are also children that are on this earth that desperately need someone. And so I really do think it is a matter of tapping into whatever that energy force is for you. That is, because I think with the one common denominator for motherhood. Is love, and if you lead from love, then I think your children will find you. Absolutely. It's that magnetic pull and the divine timing, and I truly believe whatever is meant for you, it can't pass you by. Yeah, it doesn't. Not in this lifetime. It doesn't. Wow. In and throughout all of your personal challenges, you, oh my goodness, you birth not only children. Bless your heart, but also your nonprofit Cherie's Choice. Will you share what it is and how it came to be? Sure. So when I was in the middle of my legal battle, and I'd been through so much, Jennifer, you can just imagine. I was like, why is this happening to me? And it was this moment of despair. But then I had this moment of total surrender, and what I heard was, you're going through this so you can help other women. Achieve their dreams of motherhood, and it was like. That's it. That's what I'm here to do to share this experience. And so Cherie's Choice began through that. So providing that early education, providing counseling, providing community support so that women, because you know, fertility education's not taught in schools. We don't provide roadmaps for meaningful family planning other than, Hey, you better not get pregnant. You better not have an unplanned pregnancy. So women are told this and it's like, well now sister, flip the switch. And now you're supposed to get pregnant. So we, women need education on this topic. And so that's really the passion behind Cherie's choice. So we will be offering, we're gonna start offering workshops and we have a lot of resources on the site. And, one-on-one consultation and things like that. 'cause women need guides and we need, and they need people to help them create a blueprint that makes sense for them. And I love sharing the idea that there isn't just one way. It's not that we're promoting, go be a single mother, but if that's the option and being a mom is in your heart, then you have to know that whatever is in your heart is meant for you, and it was placed there for a reason, and it's gonna come through and find you. You get to co-create it though, along the way. Great. And so many women also think that becoming a single mother means you're gonna be single forever. And that's not true either. So it's just. Allowing the flow, allowing the love to flow through you in the right time. So if I go ahead and I have a child, then I'm complete. And then if I find someone who is the right person for me now, I'm not trying to evaluate that relationship based on could I have children with this person or things like that. You're free to be able to love that person and not force something. And so it really is just about being open to the possibilities when they come to us. Which is so amazing and when you think about it with everything that's discussed in this day and time, which Lord knows is way more than we were young and children. How has this not been at the forefront? How, now granted, in the world of celebrities, yes, depending on what you're seeing, the surrogacy that this, the, that. But if you're not out there and you're not reading that or you're not seeing that. You don't know about that. You don't know about maybe freezing your eggs or, surrogacy or surrogacy for, I didn't. Really, I don't know. I just haven't really thought about surrogacy for eggs before till you mentioned it. You always, it's a conception that you think of sperm donors. You don't really always think of egg donors. I had never thought of egg donors. No. And I think it comes really from our families of origin though. We grew up in a certain kind of family. It. What we think our futures are going to be. And so I lived in a traditional household. It wasn't a perfect household by any means, but it was a mother and a father, and that's just what I believed. And so we don't question these beliefs so often we just go on autopilot and life happens to us versus becoming architects of our motherhood journey. And that's what I wanna inspire women to do. Which I think you have done so amazingly. Throughout everything that you've been through and through your book, if you could leave women with one vision of what motherhood could look like in this new era beyond stigmas, beyond, all the outdated prince charming and the glass slipper, what is the fairytale that you'd like to invite them to dream into and claim for themselves? That's a great question. I think the origin of motherhood is love. And so start with that love, love of yourself. Love yourself enough to find the right path and not live by somebody else's fairytale. So what I wanna say to you is if motherhood is in your heart. I believe you can make that happen, and I think that is possible for you. And I would like to release you from all of those restrictive beliefs that are holding you down and making you feel stressed and making you feel helpless. And I wanna empower you today and say you are worthy to become a mother and it is possible for you. That's beautiful. Thank you for that. I love that you're filled with so much amazing information as we are wrapping up, because gosh, I just feel like we could talk forever. What is one thing that perhaps no one knows about you? Oh gosh. What? Because I spill so much tea in the book. No, you do. There's anything that I know, but maybe there's a little something. Maybe it's not, it doesn't have to be, maybe the, The artist behind you? It could be anything. I would say. I would say it's that, I have a real passion for dancing and I put that passion on hold to become a mother and I really aspire to get back to that. And so, you know, in motherhood too, it's a very self-sacrificing kind of thing, but we. We need to reclaim some of those things that bring us personal joy. So I'm gonna commit to you guys that I am going to revisit my love of dance and, and if we talk again, I'll give you an update on that. I'm so excited. We're gonna have to talk again to get the update on that. See, look what we just did for you today. I'm so excited. I know. No, I'm committed. It's, you're totally committed. You have some accountability here. I love this. Oh my goodness. Will you share with our community where can they best connect with you to learn more about you and to grab your book? Sure, we've got a couple websites. Cherie bergeron.com is my author and speaker website. I'm happy to talk to groups and help, provide paths for these, different non-traditional paths to motherhood. Cherie's Choice, my first name, and then choice.com is,, is another resource for you. There's so many things out there about all these paths to motherhood. And then my book is available on Amazon. Wonderful. Well, all of Cherie's contact information will be over in the show notes@jenniferpilates.com, so you can hop over there and click on Everything will make it super easy for you. As we close out the show today, is there one last piece of inspiration that you'd like to leave us with? Believe in yourself. Believe. Believe in your path to motherhood and if you feel like it's in your heart, don't let it pass you by. It's a beautiful gift. I love that. That is so amazing. Thank you for sharing that. It's so true. And I just feel that there's so many people that need to hear that on whatever level that it hits them today. So thank you for that. This has been Oh, pleasure. Oh, so incredible. Thank you for coming on and sharing all that you have. It definitely, doing all the research was so enlightening to me on different levels and I'm just so excited. We'll definitely have to have you back. Thanks so much, Jennifer. You are so welcome. Well, as always, everyone may you live an empowered life from within.

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